Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
