I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
