Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
