I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
