I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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