What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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