at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
