I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
