cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
