There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
