you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
