Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
