i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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