I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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