I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
