Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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