i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize