we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
bring money and cleavage
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
