Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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