Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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