You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
