I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
