Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
even my farts smell like vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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