We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
