Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize