What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
