It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
