The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
