He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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