i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
