I love having hate sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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