I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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