I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
