you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
