Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
