I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
