you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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