just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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