So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
