So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
