do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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