I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
