Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
