I didn't shave. On purpose
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
