Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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