Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
