i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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