"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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