You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
