saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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