At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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