remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize