he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
