It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
