Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
