To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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