Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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