Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
