community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
