2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
