The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
